Another Badass Hurricane Threatens the Gulf Coast

As I type this, hurricane Gustav is delivering a severe beating to northwestern Cuba. In the next 24 hours or so, it should threaten the Louisiana coast.

If it hits New Orleans and delivers another round of flooding and catastrophic damage, hopefully, this will tell our stupid government that rebuilding a city prone to devastating hurricane strikes is an exercise in futility.

Of course, the government won't follow common sense and will waste billions of dollars rebuilding the city (again). Hooray for subsidizing stupid behavior!

Smurfette: Tease, Whore, or Nun?

She's a whore: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CL4gFiZfhN0

Or we could just base it off the fact she's the only girl in a village full of guys. Since the show made no mention of any gay or bicurious smurfs, the only conclusion one can possibly make is she's a whore. Plus I happened to stumble upon an episode on Boomerang (some retarded offspring of cartoon network) this morning where a bunch of smurfs were fighting each other for the right to marry her.

After turning all of them down, she simply said "I love you all".

Case closed. She's a whore.

And apparently, the smurfs were big on rimjobs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXvAohycajI

They Stole My Idea!

http://thegreenmicrogym.com/
Thanks to Theresa for the heads-up on this one. For those that do not know this, I have had a long-standing idea to have a fitness center/gym where people work out and generate electricity. It's a bit of a modification of my more humorous "fat people on giant hamster wheels" idea - probably less sadistic and more profitable, too.

At any rate, these people can all go blow goats for stealing my idea. Ok, they aren't really stealing it, since they were unaware that I came up with it long ago - but still, I hate them and want them to die horrible deaths. I also don't think they have the courage to have a big hamster wheel for fat people in that place... pussies.

Hoveround

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GWZp1U2iS4

Anyone care to tell me how the hell those two old bags got up there? Something tells me the stupid hoveround doesn't qualify as an all-terrain vehicle. Then again, maybe it should qualify as such - old people will take more risks with it and try to navigate their way through ditches and dangerous terrain. This should miraculously solve our social security and medicare funding problems.

This Guy is an Idiot...

...and so are you for reading a post about baseball, you morons!

The following abortion of thought was posted here: http://www.topix.net/forum/source/twincities-pioneer-press/TNVK7RJ2UGIDD91P0 by some clown named "andy g" from Charlotte, NC. I'll put his comments in bold and follow with my own thoughts (hopefully I won't get an aneurysm in the process). Note that he is responding to somebody else who said the Twins didn't get much in return for Santana and have a history of signing horrible free agents (I think the first point is a bit premature, but the second is dead-on).

The last time I checked the only Santana in the All Star game was playing for the American League and his first name was not Johan, Torii Hunter..conspicuous by his absence, and while we are on the subject of high price dollies..exactly how many rings does ARod got?

If I'm reading this right, Santana sucks this year because he wasn't in the AS game. Nevermind that his ERA+ is solid and his WHIP (while a bit higher than previous seasons) remains low. You would have an awfully tough time arguing that the Twins have been better off without Johan this season. Gomez is raw and will need to improve a lot in the next few years to justify getting him in exchange for Minnesota's most dominant pitcher in the past 5 seasons. Since this tool randomly mentioned Torii Hunter, I'll just throw out a little comparison:

Denard Span .390 OBP, 128 OPS+
Torii Hunter .335 OBP, 110 OPS+
Carlos Gomez .293 OBP, 73 OPS+

Span's the best of the three and MN didn't have to make a trade to get him.

As for the ARod comment... what the hell? Yes, he costs a ton of money, but that's because he is arguably the best player in the majors right now (certainly top 3).

Here are ARod's stats for those who care:
OBP: .402, 160 OPS+, and 29 HR's. Yeah, that guy sucks. And I seriously don't get this "[insert player name here] is overrated/bad because he hasn't won a title" nonsense. If two players have equal stats and one has a WS ring and the other does not, does that mean the guy without the ring is worse? If you're brainless, I guess the answer is "yes".

..how many do his team mates have?

Probably quite a few since Jeter is one of his aging Yankee teammates who has been there since the '90s.

Give me a break...WhiteSox won a title when they copied the Twins, not visa versa.

When you say things this retarded, I'm not going to give you a break because this is so ridiculously easy to refute. When Chicago won the world series, the team hit 200 HR's (note: they will hit a lot more than that this season). Minnesota has not hit 200 HR's in a long time (probably hasn't happened since the '60s; they hit 196 in 1987, though).

Ask the fans in Seattle, Detroit, New York, and now Boston how damn superior they feel..with all that money tied up in FA. It may be working for the Angels, but that is hitting .200 in the FA game and they struggled badly against the Rays and Twins..it takes teamwork and chemistry to win more often than not.

Ok, Seattle is putrid, Detroit is mediocre, and New York continues to field a roster of players approaching retirement age. But why the hell did he mention Boston? Yes, they have a big payroll (4th highest according to wiki), but that's only $12 million more than Chicago's. I should also point out that Boston is 2.5 games up in the wild card standings right now, and their expected record based on run differential is well ahead of the overachieving Devil Rays.

If I was a Boston fan, I'd feel pretty good right now - they are the defending WS champions and are in position to defend their title in a couple months. I really don't know why he rips on the Angels for struggling in two series, either (they're about a billion games ahead of Texas in the AL West).

As for that last tidbit about teamwork and chemistry - oh lord. So, Seattle had better teamwork and chemistry last night than Minnesota? Is that the reason why they won? I'm confused because based on what I saw, the Twins lost the game because they stranded Morneau at 2nd with no outs in one inning, and then had the misfortune of hitting a HR right after he hit into a double play in the next. Baker didn't pitch particularly well either. But yeah, it was all chemistry's fault. If only the team worked together, they would've won!

Baseball is not basketball, where 1 guy can change the landscape.

Boston won the NBA title last season (sadly I know this fact). Which of their players "changed the landscape"? I am not even sure what the hell he meant by that phrase. If his phrase simply applies to impact players, I'd immediately ask how many wins would the Twins have without Joe Nathan. How much worse would Cincinnati's offense be without Dunn? Ok, I guess we'll find that out over the next two months since they stupidly traded him.

The Twins more than any other team understand their limitations. A major league team in a borderline major league town...

Yeah, I suppose free-spending Oakland doesn't know shit about their limitations, those computer-using bastards.

any of you guys gonna pony up a $1000 a seat like the jamokes in the new Yankeee Stadium are gonna have to do..

Just out of curiosity, I looked up "jamoke" - apparently it means a stupid or inconsequential fellow. I then looked up the ticket costs for the new Yankee stadium: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3305979 - ok, if you pay $1000 for your ticket, that'll get you a damn good seat. If being able to afford $1k per game makes one a "jamoke", I'd love to be a "jamoke".

be careful what you chirp for, especially if you can't pay for it. I personally like cheering for the Twins, they are living proof that the agents don't always get to run the game. That coaching and fundamentals will succeed more often than bloated salaries and preaning pimped out superstars with their posses.

Actually, teams with the best players succeed more often than "coaching and fundamentals". Then again, maybe I completely missed the fact that bloated Boston won the WS last fall.

Lastly, I don't know of anyone saying MN should spend like the Yankees. This market is too small to support that. However, is it too much to ask that they spend like Milwaukee (the league avg payroll of approx. $80 million)? Rather than picking up deadweight like Mike Lamb, they could go for somebody decent at $10 million per year - i.e. a slugger that can actually help this rather anemic offense.